Victim

Husband No. 1 was “smothering”, so one day she frantically packs

her daughter into the car and runs off to San Francisco to work

The first man that flatters her and says he will take care of them is

Husband No. 2 in record time, the Hawaiian honeymoon over he is

drunk and sadistically violent to her…pause. Therapists say that

Victim’s are spotted by their abusers because they lack normal

boundaries. Once established in a client they can see the sickness

in these predators, eyes wide open to their schemes. Where are the

men that really are adoring, nurturing and honest? She sees none.

 

Floridian Delusions

That one piece of chocolate you allowed yourself

is somehow keeping you from eternal youth

You had better preen your paranoia because the

enemy is within, it runs in your own great grandfather’s

blood, which makes this attack on comediennes in the

Catskills just a fat farm nightmare caused by eating in bed

No. 1 Stupidist Rule of the Universe

Last week a woman said it to me again

when she did not “want” a husband he showed up

OK, Let’s say the non personal Universe isn’t to blame

It is God. He knows what you want. He won’t give it to you

until you are so discouraged and hopeless. He likes

making you miserable like that. If you don’t off yourself first.

Maybe You Had Better Stop Drinking

An anti-semite was drinking in a bar. He spotted a Jew and he didn’t like it.

Bartender give everyone your best Scotch except for that Jew.

He looked over at the Jew and he was smiling at him.

That made him really angry.

Bartender give everyone another drink and an appetizer!

He looks over and the Jew is laughing.

What is wrong with that Jew is he pretending it doesn’t bother him?

He is the owner.

You’ll Know

My ex husband accidentally sent me two texts on Christmas

“He’s intense!”

“Oh my god that is beautiful!”

I sent him a text saying that he was sending me someone else’s text

Silent Night

I also got a text from a guy that I told over and over again we were done

I did not reply this time

Once years ago when I was sober a year

I asked Julianne a former therapist

“How do you know if you are having a nervous breakdown?”

she said “Oh, you will know”

with all the strange actions of other people

in the world around me I think it will be very

hard to tell what is everyday nuts, and clinical

Otherworldly sounds nice

Those improv comediennes asked the audience

for a “Moral” to the Christmas Carol story

someone yelled out Hakuna matata. So we have

to say NO WORRIES, for the rest of our days

shoelaces don’t break, tires don’t go flat, daters

don’t say and do creepy things, I do get a card

from her. Wait,these things happen and I say WTHM

Let’s Harp On It

Baby Boomers have nothing to do with not getting out

Rich brat my arse, my work was long and steady like a

Russian piece I played miserably slow and low on the cello

Anything but face up to the fact that you are not functioning

That it is time to try everything new and scary just to trudge

out of the cold snowy trench you’ve built to wall off the circus

Hope

A Woman Is Not Beautiful

The suitors all begged her to marry them

she used them to feel better about herself

Until she found that a stiff drink beat a stiff man

So love a woman for who she is, an original