Funny as a Heart Attack

I Stole This Eye…if you want it back just say so

My father died of a heart attack 10 months ago.

He lived in the Adirondack Mountains and drank a lot.

This poem is about me though.

I keep thinking I am having a heart attack. It sucks.

Driving yesterday a Billboard said “Heart Attack call 911”

Wow, can’t I just faint somewhere and have a good Samaritan call?

I live down a long flight of wooden stairs

covered in snow, how the hell would they get me up?

The cat would freak out. My daughter may not even come back to reality.

Thinking about my heart attack now seems funny. Really don’t worry its stress.

I wonder how many people think unfunny things are funny,

and funny things like clowns are terrifying?

 

Love Me

I drove by the High School I used to teach at

It was Friday afternoon before Valentines Day

First I was just driving down the street looking at

so many kids that were too fat, or too dorky looking

Then I saw the balloons and my heart twisted like one

of those carnival clown animals into a French Poodle.

Ah, mon dieu. Le jour d’amour.

When those that are not loved

want to plan their school shooting.